don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
