I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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