What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
