Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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