Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
