I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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