I like my sex mixed with concussions.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
