Plan B is the new Plan A
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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