Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
