You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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