Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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