I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
