i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
