Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
