Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
