in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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