So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
