Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
