he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
