I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
