Duck Duck Cougar?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
