I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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