im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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