see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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