My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
