man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
