just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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