Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
