She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
