Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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