I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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