Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
