the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
