just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
