He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
