Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
