i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
