I wish I could teleport
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
