It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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