Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
