I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
