1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
