shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
