sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
