This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
