it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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