I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
