why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
