and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
