If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
