Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
