Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
